In Transit

Episode 7 of Yelp Review the Musical opens on a woman at a baggage carousel. She is calm. She has been calm before. The carousel turns. The carousel continues to turn. Her bag does not appear.

What follows is a three-act funeral for a single piece of luggage — a bag purchased in 2004, checked on a Tuesday, and last seen in Charlotte without its owner's knowledge or consent. The piece moves from a parlando recitative (a contralto, measured, almost polite, delivering the facts over a solo oboe) through a labyrinthine Act II where a patter-song tenor routes every call to CodeShare Partner Services, a mezzo-soprano croons a bossa nova hold jingle ("it is simply... elsewhere"), and the orchestra steadily accumulates until the strings can no longer contain themselves. By the time the chorus enters for Act III, "IN TRANSIT" has been transformed from a bureaucratic non-answer into a fortissimo anthem — fourteen days of institutional runaround collapsed into a single, repeated, absolutely magnificent refusal of closure.

The comedy is deadpan and operatic in equal measure. A green cardigan and a toiletry kit with a mint-green zipper are enumerated by a full SATB choir with the gravity usually reserved for fallen heroes. The bag did arrive, eventually. On Day Fourteen. Smelling of sunscreen. The piano plays one last note and lets it go.

[Act I — Recitative]

I flew FlyNorth flight two two four seven On the eleventh of May I checked one bag A normal bag A bag I have had since two thousand and four

I landed in Columbus I waited The carousel turned And turned And turned My bag was not there

I filed a report The agent handed me a laminated card With a phone number And said (spoken) "The bag may have taken an alternate routing"

An alternate routing It is luggage IT IS LUGGAGE I called the number

[Act II — The Transfers Begin]

(Tenor — CodeShare Agent) Welcome to CodeShare Partner Services Your file has been received Please hold for Baggage Resolution Your inconvenience is believed! Press one for domestic, press two for international Press three for items currently Taking the scenic route!

(Mezzo-Soprano — Hold Jingle) Your call is important to us Please remain in transit Your bag is important to us It is simply... elsewhere Your patience is a gift to us We are locating your bag It will arrive very shortly In transit, in transit, in transit~

(Contralto, building) Baggage Resolution says the bag is in transit In transit IN TRANSIT FOURTEEN DAYS

(Contralto + Choir entering) I call every single day Day one: in transit Day two: in transit Day three, day four, day five: IN TRANSIT!

(Contralto fortissimo, full orchestra) ON DAY SIX THEY TELL ME CHARLOTTE CHARLOTTE! I LIVE IN OHIO MY BAG WENT TO CHARLOTTE ON ITS OWN I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THIS!

[Act III — Finale]

(SATB Choir + Contralto) IN TRANSIT! IN TRANSIT! IT IS NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE IN TRANSIT! IN TRANSIT! WRITE ME A FORMAL APOLOGY!

(Contralto over choir) I want my bag I want my green cardigan I want my toiletry kit With the mint-green zipper I want whoever decided That "in transit" is a complete sentence To write me a formal apology!

(SATB fortissimo) IN TRANSIT! IN TRANSIT! FOURTEEN DAYS IN TRANSIT! IN TRANSIT! IN TRANSIT! THE BAG IS SIMPLY ELSEWHERE!

(Contralto lead, choir beneath) The bag arrived on Day Fourteen It smelled of sunscreen IT SMELLED OF SUNSCREEN One star ONE STAR

(Piano only, Adagio) (one star) ...